Bridesmaids -Who To Choose?


Who do you want to stand with you on one of the biggest days of your life? Sister, best friend, future sister-in-law, childhood friend, the list goes on and on. Hopefully this blog post will help you.

This article from, ( ) was sound advice, I thought….

The most obvious question is how many attendants to ask and who should be your maid/matron of honor. While etiquette books suggest one usher per 50 guests, protocol surrounding the number of bridesmaids is fuzzier (12, however, is the limit). “What’s important is that you include those people to whom you feel closest,” says Deborah Jones, owner of A Wedding In Minnesota, a bridal consultancy in Eden Prairie, Minnesota. Also consider where you’ll be standing at the altar or huppah, and how many people can fit on either side of you. Aesthetically, the same number of attendants on both sides looks best, but there is no rule that says they have to match.


Start by writing your wish list of attendants. Next, add your fiancé’s picks, and those who would make political sense (your brother’s wife to make him happy, for example). See if there are natural groupings that would make choosing easier: all sisters, all school friends, just one sister and one friend, etc. If your list is still unwieldy, consider the following to help you eliminate people or decide their role.

First, think about their responsibilities. The maid/matron of honor is generally the bride’s right-hand woman before and on the day of the wedding. Her main duties include planning the bridal shower and helping the bride select her gown and address invitations. The bridesmaids assist the maid/matron of honor and bride. All typically pay for their own dresses and travel expenses.

Second, evaluate your needs and expectations. Is this a gala affair with many details you’ll need help coordinating, or a small, no-fuss ceremony? Are you the type of person who surrounds herself with friends and needs a sounding board for every decision, or do you have only one or two close confidantes?

Do you expect your attendants to devote a significant amount of time and money to your wedding? Would you feel comforted knowing that all of your bridesmaids lived in town, mere minutes away for minor emergencies? If someone says she can’t afford to participate, can you make up the difference (and not take it personally)? Be honest with yourself: Are your expectations reasonable? Will you get mad if someone can’t help out as much as you’d like due to her work or family commitments?

Third, factor in the lifestyle and current situation of those you intend to ask, and how it meshes or clashes with their responsibilities and your needs. For example, what if your sister lives in Alaska and your best friend just lost her job, or if another friend is so swamped with work or a new baby that she barely squeezes in a phone call, much less time to plan a bridal bash. All these circumstances impact a potential maid’s ability to do the best job possible. That said, even if someone can’t be there physically, she may still provide valuable moral support. So decide what’s most important to you.

I want to add my experiences to the article: Bridesmaids (matrons) are supposed to be your supporters. People that get along, make you laugh and who know you through and through. They are the ones who will laugh and cry with you, they will buckle your shoe, hold your rings, calm you down and even help you go to the bathroom with that gorgeous wedding gown on. So choose wisely and don’t worry if someone gets left out, if they get mad they are not probably very good friends anyway.


There are always other jobs for people to do if you want to include them in your wedding.

Hand out programs, help organize critical timed moments (if you don’t have a wedding coordinator) like lining up bridesmaids and groomsmen before ceremony, decorating ceremony and reception venues, etc…

You will need an army to help pull off your dream wedding and that army starts with those who stand to witness your day. So choose wisely!


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